But what I have done is something I regret doing. As my MAOTeen sister, Deon, said perfect; "Then, I read this horrible thing all pageant girls know as a bad word: the message board."
Yes, I read the Voy board upon my arrival home from Miss Minnesota week. I don't know why I did it. I know the negative consequences of reading these message boards. I know that comments left on the Voy board to not reflect me or my character, yet somehow I couldn't pull myself away from reading what anonymous people had to say about my performance. I yearned for some kind of explanation as to why, after months (even years!) of preparation, I didn't even make Top 11. I saw things I wish I wouldn't have; I looked too "tired" onstage, I wasn't fit enough, I wasn't a standout. You name it, I probably saw it. For days after reading these comments, I felt worthless. I felt I had let everyone down who predicted I would make Top 11. I was frustrated. I put everything I had on that Miss Minnesota stage. Every ounces of who Bailey is was poured onto that stage. To come back and read these comments about my performance was so unbelievably discouraging. I can't even put into words the despair I felt. For days I believed I wasn't worthy enough. That the reason I didn't make Top 11 was because I wasn't good enough, skinny enough, pretty enough, or smart enough to be Miss Minnesota.
I don't know when it happened, but I finally stepped back from my mini obsession with the Voy board and allowed God to heal the brokenness and pain I was feeling as a result of my stupid action. To my surprise, I found the answer to my question not from the message board, but in Christ. I have always known that my worth is found in Christ and in Christ alone, but after a few days of reading the Voy board, I had lost sight of that. I was trying to find my worth in the opinions of people who foolishly hid behind the anonymity of a silly message board instead of in my Lord and Savior.
It was a very humbling experience for me. I wasn't going to share this experience because of the fear that I would be judged for reading the Voy board. I didn't want others to think any less of me for believing and reading what so many people encouraged me not to do.
But then I realized, no. I needed to share this experience with those around me. I made a mistake. I'm human. I'm not perfect. Though I'm still afraid of what people might think of me, I know I'm not the only contestant to have read the Voy board and go through the same feelings I did.
My ultimate purpose for writing this blog is to encourage those who do post on message boards to stop. You can have your predictions for Top 11, I have no problem with that. It's fun to make predictions, then see how correct you are! But my hope is that instead of posting it on the message board, you would keep it to yourself. What may seem like an innocent and almost entertaining post about who you believe will make the cut, can hurt and tear down a contestant more than you know. Whether they are in your prediction or not. As much as a shock as this may be, Miss Minnesota contestants are human. We have thick skin, but words hurt more than anything in this world and can pierce even the toughest skin. You can never erase what you read. Not even the best Miss Minnesota or Miss America.
Regardless of your opinions about the new Miss Minnesota or Miss Minnesota's Outstanding Teen, they are still our state titleholders. Publicly bashing them on an immature message board will not change that. Instead of nit-picking on what their hair looks like, what clothes they wear, their makeup, or what they have or have not done with their platforms, lets uplift both of our state titleholders. Both are preparing to compete in their national pageant and need the support now more that ever before. This is about to be one of the most challenging yet exciting years in both of their lives. Both Miss Minnesota and Miss Minnesota's Outstanding Teen are far greater than outer beauty. This simple fact is important to remember as we uplift our state titleholders during this transitional time in their lives.
I would personally like to see more positive things on the message board. I love reading positive comments, especially about the work that local contestants do with their platform. This is such a huge part of the Miss America Organization, yet often gets overlooked for more trivial things like wardrobe and hair/makeup. For example, my roommate, Kailee won the Tracie Joy McBride Quality of Life award and didn't get NEARLY as much recognition as she deserve. Kailee is an incredible woman of Christ and was such a bright light for all of us during the week. I certainly wouldn't have been able to get through the week without her, and I know it was the same for many others. Instead of grumbling about the women who were not a finalist for Quality of Life, lets celebrate how incredible Kailee is and how deserving she is.
As I reflect back on my Miss Minnesota week, I have a compete understanding in the Plan and Purpose God laid out for me that week. I knew in my heart that it was not my year to win Miss Minnesota. God laid that on my heart many months before Miss Minnesota week, and I was fine with that. But I did know I was there for a specific purpose and that purpose was made clear towards to end of the week. I still left Miss Minnesota week feeling so full and happy. I didn't need to make Top 11 to feel worthy. I am in a way better place than I was last week, and I can say that with complete confidence. Your prayers and kind words mean the world to me. I couldn't ask for a better support system. From the bottom of heart and with everything I have, I thank you.
With love,
Bailey Wachholz
Miss Brainerd Lakes 2013
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